Hello friends,
Welcome to an Inbox Inhale where I want to remind you that listening to others, and yourself really matters.
It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me and it’s because I’ve been drawn inward to listen to what’s been taking root within the ground of my life during the winter. Dreams, hopes, and foundational work have been taking shape within my body and soul. Hibernating out of sight, the dark, cold days have invited me to cuddle up, move less and listen more.
Maybe winter invited you to turn inward and listen also?
As I’ve sat with people in Centering Circles (which new ones start in June!) ~ I’ve been reminded of how much input there is to listen to within our lives. Our internal dialogues, histories, emotions, hopes, struggles and relationships. I’ve been acutely reminded of how much listening matters.
But I think our world tells us differently. Driven by social media, we’ve been conditioned to believe our reaction is our most valued asset. Because in that realm ~ it’s true. Your click, “like” or “dislike” is what makes someone else money. Your reaction is profitable.
It’s no wonder we feel a constant, underlying push to “heart” “thumbs down” or “exclaim” in reaction to what we read, hear or scroll past. We are pressured to respond quickly with our agreement or disagreement and I watch this spill over into my conversations! Someone will tell me something and I have this knee-jerk need to respond immediately with something relatable from my own life.
But is this listening? Or our subtle conditioning to react?
I know my intentions are good and I want the person to feel like I’m tracking with them….but I don’t think I’m fully listening when I immediately jump to my own response.
Don’t get me wrong - our opinions and reactions have a place! They are good and necessary in forming our sense of self, and moving us towards change. But our reactions and opinions aren’t the same as listening. And they definitely aren’t all that we have to offer.
What if we released ourselves from the pressure to react as our greatest asset… and instead tried really listening to each other.
Does it even matter?
I think it does. The first time I consciously remember being listened to was in Spiritual Direction. (Since then I’ve realized there are many times I’ve been listened to…but this one stands out because of how quietly shocking it was!)
Grief-struck by the death of a loved one, heartbroken by the unraveling of my faith paradigm and feeling utterly overwhelmed by the chaos of my internal & external world, I came to a spiritual direction years ago wanting answers for how to re-order and fix the chaos of my life. (No small task, ha!)
I remember opening my computer screen, and within moments began unloading all my questions and doubts to my spiritual director. The shock of what I remember was how quiet it got. I felt distraught by the lack of feedback and reaction I was given. Without saying much - she warmly nodded, and with kind eyes waited.
She listened. Believed. And then asked me more questions. With a steady, spacious “with-ness” she allowed me to move through my experience at my own pace and gave me space to hear myself. Over time I came to recognize and trust the voice of Divine direction within me, and that led to some transformative change.
I’m struck by the truth that being deeply listened to feels the same in the body as being loved.
“Intense listening is indistinguishable from love, and love heals. This kind of listening means that the people receiving attention are allowed to be the experts in their own pain.”
(Ken Blue, Authority to Heal)
This is why I think listening matters. Our attention tells another human (or ourselves) that they are worthy of connection. That they have inherent dignity in their experience, and we are with them in their humanity. If we can release our judgments and interjections from filling the space, we allow shame to melt away and give support in its place. Our embodied attention offers courage to continue moving forward.
If you desire an experience of being deeply listened to, I have open spaces in my practice and would be honored to journey with you.
Contemplative companion, embodiment guide & soul nourisher, I will hold wide, warm space to journey with you as you attune to the movement of the Divine within your embodied experience. My guiding hope is for you to remember your way home to your deepest, fullest expression.
Sacred Pause…
Time for 3 things…
In the spirit of choose your own adventure ~ engage with any of the invitations below that capture your attention as ways to integrate and embody why listening matters.
1) Inhale:
Notice your feet. Feel them supported by the steadiness of the earth. Can you connect with a sense that you are held and supported right here…as you stand on the ground of your life.
2) Consider:
Can you open space to listen to yourself? Or to someone you love?
In the way of wisdom, I invite you to approach yourself or another with a sense of openness. Can you offer space for what you hear to land, and settle within your body? Offer a pause and give yourself permission to release the need to react, intellectualize or judge.
Notice before responding. See what rises. See what lands. Allow yourself to reflect on what’s present. Give your attention.
3) Try:
Embodied Practice ~ Escaping Laterally (10 minutes)
What we forget but is always true - is that our bodies know how to slow down. We don’t have to escape to the beach or the mountains (though that is lovely) to find space to slow down and listen. Our bodies know how to find nourishment right here, which allows us to feel okay enough in a moment to open up, and listen for what is present.
Here I’ll guide you through a simple practice that I return to often. It’s created by Kelsey Blackwell and I’m delighted to share with you….
And in case you missed the last Inbox Inhale:
Read: What this newly-inspired space is all about, or what is spiritual direction or how Centering Circles have helped me.
If you answered yes to wanting a companion into the silence -I have openings and would love to connect with you , or recommend a spiritual director I trust.
Yoga is one of my favorite ways to enter silence because the moving and breathing get’s me out of my head, and I can really rest for the last 2 mintutes! Come join us OUTSIDEFridays at 12:15pm.
May you remember that you are worth listening to and your attention has the power to heal.
With care,
Devany